Betwixt and between: discovering liminal space

Back in the fall (and if I’m being honest, a good chunk of winter too), I felt stuck. I couldn’t figure out why I was having such a hard time propelling myself forward on my new journey, a journey I consciously chose.

After waywardly drifting here and there, I stumbled on an article by Nicole Gulotta about planning for liminal space. Finally it dawned on me. I was in my own liminal space, a sort of life limbo, inching my way into a new season. According to Merriam-Webster, liminal is an intermediate state, phase or condition. (Fun fact: I was reading “Lincoln in the Bardo” by George Saunders at the time and had to Google “bardo.” In Tibetan Buddhism, bardo is the liminal state between death and rebirth.) Liminality is what happens when the future outcomes you once taken for granted, dive into the Pool of Doubt (which presumably flows into the River of Denial). And that’s exactly where I was. For someone who likes to be in control, it’s uncomfortable not knowing what to expect every day.

Marriage, divorce, illness, starting a new job, ending a job, going to college, graduation, death, birth or moving to a new house – all of these things involve liminality. You experience a degree of in between, not knowing when or what things may shift and change. (For someone who ended a job, started a new one and moved in with my partner, I was all up in the in between.)

My previous job was safe and good and warm. I was comfortable there. I knew all the rules. Better yet, I knew my role in and out, and I was good at it. It’s not that I wanted to go back to my old job, but I found myself clinging to this old season. I was still trying to play by the same rules. I felt guilty not writing for exactly eight hours, for not making money or for taking the afternoon off when I had a migraine or when my brain felt fried.

We go through life attaching ourselves to things, wanting them to last forever. But nothing lasts forever, and this makes us sad, uncomfortable, angry, or worse, violent. My life was perfectly calibrated for the way things used to be. But if I want to move forward, I needed to “Let It Go.” I had to let go of my attachment of the ways things were. It was time to create a new way of doing things. Here, there are no guidelines, no map, no right answers. Instead, there are infinite possibilities.

It hasn’t fully formed yet, this new season. I badly want to hurry things along. I don’t like waiting. I want things figured out. But it’s slowly revealing itself, like snowdrops creeping up through a blanket of snow and heralding the new spring. I need to hang in there, do the best I can, continue to carve out my new creative routine and the rest will come.

Writing in the age of social media

We share things instantly, often without thought, on Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook. Our age is one of crafted Harry Potter listicles, what-dessert-best-represents-me Buzzfeed quizzes (a tart, of course) and the now 280-character, emoji-filled retweets. It begs the question, does blogging, or better yet long-form writing, still matter now that we have Facebook and Twitter? Does anyone care what you have to say? Or are you merely adding to the noise that is the internet?

My answer is a resolute yes. Writing is as relevant and important as ever. Are we not judged by our cover letters and resumes? Our hurried emails? If your words are confusing, unorganized or riddled with typos, particularly in your resume, your audience is likely to writer you off as a poor communicator. Do you really want to work with someone who isn't serious enough to proofread their resume?

Writing helps you translate and understand the world. It's is a way to see the world more clearly. Not only that, but when you write, you must consider the point of view of the reader. (Hii!) You must consider the world from a perspective that is not your own. Welcome down the wonderful path to empathy.

Emojis can only go so far at conveying meaning. And my emoji game is pretty strong. Thoughtful writing has the power to persuade, inspire or change someone’s life. Regardless of the technology ahead, well crafted sentences and engaging paragraphs will endure. Compelling stories matter. They just need someone willing to tell them.

Slow it down

Sometimes the world spins a little too fast. Slow it down.

Take a breath.

Stop worrying so much.

Live in the present.

You are not in a race to have the biggest social following or make the most money. Life is instead a journey to be the best version of yourself and to leave the world better than when you arrived. Be happy.

Give yourself a little time away from it all to solve bigger problems. Wrestle with new ideas. Reflect.

Consider this a gentle reminder to step away from the computer and slow things down.

My most popular blog posts in 2013

As one year ends and another takes its place, what better way to reflect on the gems of the past year than by looking at its most moving and intriguing writings? I've assembled a list of the most read and shared articles published here on my own corner of the internet in 2013. From open letters to my travels in Hawaii, catch up on the year's most popular reads. Enjoy, and thank you for joining me for another exciting year.

Happy 60th birthday Dad

1. An open letter to my dad on his 60th birthday Who would've thought a very personal note to my dad on his 60th birthday would be the most popular post on my blog?

Power of Positive Thinking

2. The power of positive thinking through right speech Intrigued by Buddhism's connection with the suppression of ego and the encouragement of mindfulness, I explore the Noble Eightfold Path and the importance of positive thinking through right speech.

Lindsay and cake

3. Belgian beer...and cake? It's no secret that I love Belgian beer. One of my favorite Belgian beer festivals in held every year in Baltimore at a glorious taphouse called Max's.

Words vs. actions

4. Do your actions contradict your words? They say actions speak louder than words, but, you know, words are important too.

Zebra on the Big Island of Hawaii

5. Did I just see a zebra in Hawaii? Believe it or not, I spotted a zebra while on the Big Island of Hawaii.

Sheryl Sandberg

6. How do the people around you impact your success? Do the people you surround yourself with add value to your experiences? Their morals, choices and values reflect the person you are as well as your future self.

Kilauea sea arch

7. Three awe-worthy moments on the Big Island After I traveled to Hawaii, I was fortunate enough to experience some out of this world amazing things that most people don't get to see every day.

Lancaster PA apartment

8. Should you live alone? Living on your owns has its ups and downs. Knowing I have a quiet space to come home to and plenty of alone time recharge can definitely be comforting sometimes.

Outer Banks NC in January

9. Here's to the wonderful friendships in my life How is it that people consider friendships an alternative or runner-up to romantic relationships? I am very thankful for all the wonderful people - family and friends - I have in my life who are always there for me.

Map of Hawaii

10. My Big Island must sees Before I took my trip to Hawaii, I had a lot of expectations. I documented them here.

Pearls of wisdom and other bizarre utterances

Pearls of wisdom are supposedly divine. They're insightful ideas, thoughtful advice or moral precept. Plus, Grandmom always wore her pearls while sipping a can of Coors. So there's that. While life continues to show me I have much more to learn, I'd like to think the following pearls of wisdom have done a decent job steering me along so far.

1. C'est la vie. Things happen. Sometimes you can control them and sometimes you can't. Accept the things you cannot change, eat a giant bowl of coffee ice cream and get on with the rest of your day. Wait, you don't eat ice cream for breakfast? I guess that's just me.
2. Whether it's big or small, always have something to look forward to. Maybe it's your upcoming trip to the beach. Or if you're me, you get equally as excited about drinking a fourth cup of coffee on a particularly slow Wednesday afternoon.
3. Spend your money on experiences. Forget material things. Visit Europe or maybe Australia. Take lots of pictures too. Trust me. You will not regret it.
4. Quit working all the time. Get out from behind your computer screen. Have fun. Stop tweeting about life and experience it every once in a while.
5. If it's too good to be true, think about it again. If it's still too good to be true, it probably is.
6. Be your truest self every day. Everyone has their own opinions. They probably even have an opinion on how you brush your hair. Or, in my case, my lack of brushing. At the end of the day, the only person you need to answer to is yourself. Always remember that.
7. Stop reading the comments section on news sites and blogs. It's especially disheartening to read if you have thin skin. Luckily, I don't, but it's still one of the saddest places on the Internet.
8. Your real friends are always there. In fact, they might just be eating bananas and milk sprinkled with cinnamon on your couch at this very moment. Sometimes between mouthfuls they tell you how badly you screwed up. Might not be pretty, but they always tell you what you don't want to hear.
9. Do what you love. Be passionate about it. Then go out and do it ten times better than everyone else.
10. Life is too short. Screw fear. Put yourself out there and go after the things you want. I mean, the zombie apocalypse is coming anyway, right? Just don't forget sunscreen. And maybe a rifle to fend off the zombies.
11. Hand-write thank you notes to people. It really goes a long way.
12. Talk to strangers. I once thought my mom was a certified nut job when she'd randomly talk to strangers in the grocery store about apples. But now I find myself doing it all the time. Must be in my genes? Most times the strangers are warning me not to slip on the spilled spaghetti sauce in aisle five. Never the less, I've managed to meet some pretty cool people who were once strangers to me.
13. Read books about things you know little about. How else do you learn about globalization or how Google thinks?
14. Not everybody will get your sense of humor. Mine is sort of dry and heavy on the sarcasm. Usually, people just think I'm insulting them or they stare blankly at me trying to decipher whether I'm joking or not. I try to keep people who get my humor around and avoid those who don't.
15. Things go much more smoothly when you're respectful and kind to others. This is just as applicable in the workplace as it is when you're serving community breakfast at the church down the street.
16. Cut yourself off from technology on occasion. At first it might feel a little like the dream where you walk around naked and nobody other than you seems to notice. Other people have this dream, right? Anyway, after you wander down to the park (preferably clothed) or delve into a new painting, it's really not so bad. In fact, it feels pretty damn liberating.
17. Have an opinion. Rather than bowing out of a conversation due to indifference, let people know what you think. It's quite refreshing.
18. Embrace your flaws. They're what make you who you are. I laugh off my clumsiness when possible. Otherwise, I'd probably cry at my innate ability to trip over or spill everything within a two foot radius.
19. Family and friends trump pretty much everything. If you are lucky enough to have such special people in your life, keep them close and remind them how much you care.
20. Harness the power of silence. Be comfortable with it. Enjoy it. Open your ears and your mind, but most of all stop being so noisy for a change.