Why I'm taking a social media break

For the past few years, I've spent January sober, taking the time to detox from holiday drinking and reset for the coming new year. During Dry January, I discovered more energy. I slept better, and I felt less stressed. This year, I thought, why not apply this same method to my digital life. In August, I intend to stay off social media. My goal is to do less scrolling and more scribbling.

During the pandemic, I've found myself spending more time on social media and news sites than ever before. In the early days, I convinced myself I had corona after experiencing shortness of breath, thanks to a COVID-induced anxiety attack. Lately, I've found myself in an all-too comfortable evening ritual. Every night ends the same way the day began, with an endless scroll through social media, desperately seeking clarity and understanding as the world collapses into crisis. Yes, the doom scroll is real.

To be clear, I don't plan on giving up social media entirely. Social media has affected my life in many positive ways. In fact, social media has helped me and countless others stay connected during the lockdown. It's also served as a tool to share resources amid the ongoing Black Lives Matter movement. Yet, for me, as I grasp for a coping mechanism for being sequestered in my home, social media feels more like a compulsion than a tool for connection. It's become a distraction from the real work I should be doing – caring for myself, looking after the people closest to me, active learning, and unlearning.

To start, I plan to delete social media apps from my phone. For now, it's goodbye, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit. I'll replace screen time with more reading. I also intend to use this time for other creative projects – sewing, tinkering in my garden, testing new recipes, writing, drawing, and going for walks. If I'm feeling wild, who knows, I may start running again. For the moments I reach for my phone, I aim to grab my journal (or my notes app) instead. I plan to reflect on what's going on in that specific moment and understand why I use social media. I hope to return with a detailed reflection on lessons learned and a new perspective.

If you're craving some space, why not spend a little time away?

Sweat equity and the joy of cultivating a garden

In this season of unknowns, like others, I am leaning into the small rectangular patch of earth behind our city row home. With many people are confined inside, now is an excellent time to be a home gardener. (Insert bubbling anxiety over the food supply chain here.) In gardening, there are stabilizing forces that ground us when we are feeling uncertain. The predictable rhythms of the garden are very comforting. For me, it's something positive I can control. Nothing quite beats that "Hey, I grew this!" feeling.

Let's rewind back to 2019, to the birth of my garden. I began the year with grand plans meticulously sketched out on some scrap paper. What can I say? I'm a dream-big-or-don't-dream-at-all kind of person. I envisioned a quaint wooden fence, a raised bed bursting with fresh vegetables, and beautiful native wildflowers framing the yard. Our patio was host to a block of marble perched on two cinder blocks from a previous renovation. I imagined the gray veined white slab polished down, serving as a bar top with twinkly lights woven through our pergola.

Last spring, I made tackling the knee-high weeds my primary mission. I leveled out much of the very dense, clay soil in the empty beds. I started composting. When our neighbor's cherry blossom tree sheds its flowers, and later its leaves, I incorporated them into the soil. Grass clippings and other organic matter? I turned those into the ground too. As I dug holes for new plants, I backfilled them with organic soil amendments. I didn't realize how much work I had taken on until I was smack in the middle of a garden, an actual, legit garden. What was once a barren weedy plot, save three outcast red tulips, I cultivated into a cheerful arrangement of flowers and vegetables. I felt accomplished, but I also felt exhausted.

Amending the soil, moving dirt, and planting took up a lot of time. My other garden goals fell by the wayside. Although we did build our raised bed! After the neighbor's overgrown cherry blossom tree filled in with leaves, I quickly realized the raised bed's once sunny location is now mostly shaded in the afternoon. With a lack of sunlight, and let's be real, the squirrels, none of the vegetables planted in the raised bed took off. After spotting small signs of growth, the next day, I found the squirrels used the bed as their personal feast platter. I chalked it up to another lesson learned.

In the season of pandemics, I pad outside each day and excitedly check the progress of my garden. It's become a calming ritual, along with hunting lanternfly nymphs. The native perennial flowers I planted last year are now back with full force. I harvested my first zucchini squash last week. Green and growing larger every day, my tomatoes are prolific. A few jalapeño peppers are ready to collect. Sadly, I lost a strawberry plant to squirrels. We are enjoying the overflowing bounty of herbs – oregano, cilantro, marjoram, mint, rosemary, and basil. Last week, I picked my favorite herb's mature brown seeds – cilantro (also known as coriander). I still need to do a Google on the seed germination process first. I intend to plant a few in a shadier spot and save the rest for pickling and other cooking adventures.

My garden evolved a lot since 2019, and I still have big garden dreams. For example, I would love more early spring plants to extend the growing season of my garden and benefit early pollinators. My urban garden might not be exactly where I want it, but the beauty of a garden is that it's never truly finished. A garden, much like ourselves, requires care, love, and regular weeding to produce bountiful rewards.

30 things to do before 30

I have less than three years until I turn 30. (My 30th birthday is on June 5, 2017.) Jeeze. Where the heck did my twenties go? I feel like just yesterday I was traveling through Spain and celebrating my 21st birthday on Mallorca. Time just flies. I've already accomplished and attained a lot of things I've wanted in my life. But there's always more out there to explore, dream and discover. No time like the present to accomplish all the things we continue to put off until tomorrow. Here's my list in no particular order:

1. Run a 10K
2. Write the first draft of a book
3. Develop a regular meditation practice
4. Go skydiving
5. Go on a full-moon hike
6. Hike Mt. Kilimanjaro
7. Pay off my student loan debt
8. Send 30 cards, letters, gifts to friends and family
9. Take a cross-country road trip
10. Unplug for a full day
11. Host a dinner party
12. Complete a 30 day challenge - write every day, take a picture every day, go vegetarian, etc.
13. Try stand up paddleboarding
14. Cook my way through an entire cookbook
15. Go on a camping trip without my parents
16. Buy a stranger their morning coffee
17. Ride in a hot air balloon
18. Attend a yoga retreat
19. See a Broadway show
20. Watch 30 classic films
21. Take a self-defense class
22. Go zip lining
23. See the Grand Canyon
24. Travel to Greece
25. Visit a psychic
26. Do a juice cleanse
27. Create a morning routine
28. Take a solo trip somewhere
29. Get a proper desk
30. Build something with Ruby on Rails

My list includes a lot of traveling and adventure, but, for the most part, I think these things are all fairly attainable. I'm not trying to put myself on a timeline. Instead, I'm giving myself a light shove in the direction of accomplishing things I continue to put off or am afraid to do. I look forward to crossing these off my list one by one. The countdown begins now!

Do you have a list of things you want to do?

Introvert or extrovert? Understand your personality

When people use the word introvert, it often carries along a negative connotation. They confuse introverts with being shy or antisocial. But I don’t see that as being the case. While I once considered myself shy, I can no longer attach myself to the label. Plus, I would never say I’m antisocial. For most part, I enjoy being around people and making new friends. I just need to balance those experiences with my need to be alone and recharge.

While extroverts crave high energy environments with people for their stimulation, introverts crave quiet, low-key environments. Although these things aren’t absolute, understanding how someone reacts in these situations tells a lot about a person. The important thing to learn here is neither personality type is better than the other. Our society focuses so much on extroverts: shake hands, assert yourself, speak up, be bubbly. We discard the notion of solitude and reflection. But I think it’s important we find a balance between the two, develop more of yin and yang.

"Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quiet for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again." -Anaïs Nin

If you haven't yet read Susan Cain's book Quiet, I highly recommend picking up a copy. Cain offers a thought-provoking discussion on both personality types. She sheds a lot of light on the great introvert vs. extrovert debate. Her book helped me better understand my introverted nature as well as my relationships with extroverts. I’ve learned to embrace my introverted nature. I understand why I react the way I do to situations. I also understand how that reaction impacts my personal life, my job and my goals in life. The knowledge and understanding has made my life a lot easier. I can leverage my strengths and acknowledge my weaknesses.

And now let us welcome the New Year

At the end of last year I wrote about the things I aspired to do in 2013. Rather than mark them as formal resolutions, I concluded my list would be more like a manifesto, or mission statement, for my life. My hope was to repeat these intentions year after year, and hopefully a few of them rub off on the people around me.

2013 was pretty amazing. I've become a lot more comfortable in my own skin and that includes voicing my opinion. I mean, have you heard of Jennifer Lawrence? Women with opinions are awesome. I've grown less vulnerable by sharing these opinions through my writing. That means this thing I'm doing right now, sharing with you, is a big deal to me, and I'm very glad you're reading. For the sake of the new year, I'm repeating my manifesto of ideas for 2014. If nothing else, it's good reminder for me to keep striving to be the best version of myself and be happy.

Travel to new places. I nailed this one by traveling to Hawaii this summer with my parents. With a few short trips to Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York City sprinkled in between, I'd say I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful year of travel. What's brewing for 2014? Hopefully more short trips here and there as well as a possible trip to the west coast. Stay tuned!

Exercise often and stay motivated. So, this was "run at least two 5Ks," but I think I only squeezed in one last year. I signed up for the Yuengling Light Lager Jogger 5K on April 12, but I haven't been very diligent in running lately. This dark, cold weather is not the best motivator for post-work runs. For 2014, I'm on the hunt for some safe trails to run in the Lancaster area, and I hope to get back into my morning yoga flow.

Get more sleep. I did A LOT better with this in 2013, and have enjoyed more restful sleeping patterns. I minimized my caffeine intake and listened to my body when I was stressed out. Sometimes that meant tucking myself into bed with a cup of tea and a book at 8 p.m. Hopefully this habit continues into 2014.

Cook or bake something new every month. This statement also changed from last year. I realize now cooking something NEW every week is just not realistic. It requires a lot of effort and patience. Once a month is much more doable. When I was at my parents' house over Thanksgiving, I copied down a lot of my grandmother's old recipes. I'm looking forward to reviving some of her delicious treats in 2014.

Give more warm greetings and farewells to the people I love. This is probably my favorite of all of my ideas. My family is the hugging kind, and I love it. What better way to stay happy and remind people you love them than a giant hug? Sometimes it's all we need to change our whole outlook on the day.

My wish for in the new year is to be happy. Embrace the people you love. Enjoy the things you are most passionate about. Stay beautiful. Be thankful for what you have. Help others. Achieve your dreams. Life is short to be anything other than happy. Cheers!

Should you live alone?

It's hard to believe I've lived on my own for almost two years in September. Deciding to live alone was a no-brainer. I have a pretty active social life and spend most work days very engaged with my co-workers. Having my own space and freedom to do what I want is essential to maintaining my balance and minimizing my stress. Sure, there are obvious advantages and disadvantages to living by yourself. But for me, it works. Plus, I've learned a lot about myself in the process.

I found I build my energy and strength in being alone. Between meeting friends for cocktails and attending weekend get-togethers, life tends to get a little hectic. Knowing I have a quiet apartment to come home to and plenty of alone time to recharge is awfully comforting.

Living on my own has definitely increased my sense of independence. When my smoke alarm goes off randomly, there's no one but me to figure it out. When I buy a new piece of furniture, guess who has to build it? I luckily have a great landlord who  is always quick to help if needed. But there's a great confidence in knowing I can be completely self-reliant if I need to be.

Having limited responsibility is kind of liberating. After a long day at work, it's great to come home and not worry about anyone's needs but my own. Nobody to raise an eyebrow at me when I eat popcorn for dinner. An occasional pile of dishes in the sink? It's my mess and my problem - no one else's.

There are definitely times where I wish I could come home to an apartment with a roommate. After those long days at work, sometimes I just need to vent or laugh. And those things are much easier when you have someone who talks back. Plus, on the nights I fall asleep watching horror films, it would be nice not waking up every other hour to check that the door is still locked. Who knows? Maybe some day I'll have a roommate, but right now I still enjoy living solo.

Do you prefer to live alone or with a roommate? Any good stories to share?

The power of positive thinking through right speech

My initial, shallow curiosity of Buddhism began with a class in college around the philosophy of religion. While most of my classmates slept, my impressionable college mind became intrigued by Buddhism's intrinsic connection with the suppression of ego and mindfulness. Not only that, but I examined the many ways it is both different and similar to the religion I was raised to believe, Catholicism. One of the big differences is Buddhism does not require worship to a God, instead there is a concept of abiding a universal law, or a series of truths.

Along with the Four Noble Truths, one of the principal teachings of Buddhism is the Noble Eightfold Path: right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration. The path details a way of living to end suffering and achieve the sublime state of Nirvana, or self-awakening. Not meant to be understood as sequential steps, the aspects of the Noble Eightfold Path intend an interdependent relationship with each other. Meditating on elements of the path and other Buddhist philosophies often bring me great benefits like deepening self-knowledge and working to disband the illusion of ego.

The factor that always stands out to me was right speech. As the first principle of ethical conduct in the eightfold path, it iterates speaking in a truthful and non-hurtful way. In many ways, I think this is why I always enjoy writing. It allows for more time to construct and deliver thoughts. But even then, I constantly consider whether there is a better way to convey my ideas.

I was further reminded by this principle after a particularly stressful week at work. My co-worker recognized she was thinking negative thoughts about some of the people she was working with on various projects. Rather than allowing those thoughts to strangle her mind and say them aloud, she replaced her negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Whether she realized it or not, she channeled right speech when composing short positive notes to each member of our team. By thinking and saying positive thoughts about and to others, you can gradually create a positive change in the person, but also in yourself.

Her actions reminded me of the adage "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Nothing affects workplace morale more than persistent negativity. It sucks the energy out of the people around you and diverts attention from the work. I can only speak for myself, but that short note significantly affected the way I charged through the rest of my day.

What other ways can you integrate right speech and the eightfold path into your communications with others and yourself?

Do your actions contradict your words?

Words carry a lot of weight in our world - especially when communicating in the business world. Not only do we examine words, but we probe how we say them and what we say with them. I know I'm not the only one who re-reads emails a million times to be sure my words are succinct and convey what I want them to. And, yes. I realize not everyone can be a neurotic perfectionist like me. Some people are much less deliberate with their words.

Of course, we also examine the actions bringing the words into being. After all, actions speak louder than words. Right? You can talk about your dreams, but it requires a lot more energy to take action and bring the dreams into reality. While you sit there jabbering about the things you want to do, what are you actually doing about it? Sometimes, it's a lot easier to talk about these things than actually do them.

Acknowledgement

Chances are there are even actions you take that you haven't acknowledged with words. Maybe you're trying to be someone you're not? Are you trying to control things out of your control? Maybe you're doing an incredible job at work, but you're too busy to even realize. By attaching words to these actions, we take small steps toward squashing bad habits or realizing positive actions.

Actions vs. words

The more often we can align our words with our actions, the clearer we articulate our truths and express who we want to be. When was the last time you examined your words and your actions? Do they line up with each other?

photo via city-of-shadow

How do the people around you impact your success?

Sheryl Sandberg credits her spouse selection as being a huge part of her career success as well as her success as a wife and mother. During an interview she said, "The most important career choice you'll make is who you marry." Considering she spent the past four years as COO of Facebook and is one of the most powerful women in Silicon Valley, she might be on to something.

After hearing this, I caught myself analyzing my own relationships. And I'm not just talking about my ex-boyfriends. Been there, done that. I thought about the people I surround myself with, my friends, my family and even my co-workers. How does their level of support impact me? Sure, I choose the people I spend time with, but are they adding value to my experiences? Am I adding value to theirs? These people I spend all my waking hours around determine what I dream about, what I collide with and the changes I make in my life. Their morals, choices and values all reflect the person I am and my future self.

So, how do you recognize the types of people who can help foster your success? Or better yet, how do you recognize when you need to make a change? Maybe it's time you surrounded yourself with people who challenge you or cause you to think differently? I don't claim to know the answers to these questions, but hopefully my ideas help you surround yourself with the best people you possibly can.

Supportive

We all know people who walk around like a living, breathing resume. Everyone they know is their competition and all they really care about is their job title. It's exhausting being around people who are always trying to one-up you, or out-do your achievements. When you mention your own successes, can your significant other or friends just be happy for you? Or do they always feel the need to bring up their own accomplishments?

Far-sighted

Think about the person or persons in question. Does he or she understand delayed gratification? Sometimes in order to succeed, you have to forgo certain things along the way to achieve what you want. Maybe it involves some late hours at the office for you to get to a point where you have more flexibility in your position. Or working an extra job to fund a trip to Europe with your friends. People who experience sacrifices in their career and life can be more understanding when you must make difficult short-term decisions to position yourself for a strong future.

Cognizant

After the day is over, does the person in question simply ask about your day or do they check-in on how your pitch went? If you're anything like me, you regularly talk about the highs and lows of your position with your closest friends, family and significant other. Someone who pays attention to who's who is scraping more than just the surface of who you are. This person is clearly paying attention to where you're going in life and might be worth keeping around

I'm really interested to hear your take on this topic. Is your partner supportive of your career? What about your friends and family? How does their support factor into your career?

Here's to the wonderful friendships in my life

With divorce rate miles high and women all over settling (or refusing to settle in some cases), I can't help but feel critical of today's couples-centric Hallmark holiday. I'm not trying to cut into romantic love and this is not some maddening single woman rant. In fact, I'm in a pretty good place right now with all that romantic stuff. But why on earth do people consider friendships an alternative or runner-up to romantic relationships? Friendship love is real love too, you know. Don't our friends deserve some recognition for putting up with our snarkiness and eccentrics? So, whatever the female equivalent to a bromance is, I'm celebrating it right now. When life gets tough, there are some wonderful women in my life who are always there for me. Ladies, thank you for putting up with my maniacal humor and being there with a smile on your face when I have tears on mine.

If I could, I'd put all the lovely ladies in my pocket so I'd have them with me every day. But I'm guessing I'd need bigger pockets. Skinny jeans aren't very accommodating. Here's a pretty photo collage of them instead:

1. My best friend, Lindsay, is the one person I hope sticks around for life. You hear that? Don't ever leave me, Linds. Her positive attitude and fun-loving personality make being around her a blast. Plus, we've been friends since the 90's. You can't mess with over a decade of love.
2. I can always count on having a great time when I'm with Cindy. She's incredibly smart, speaks her mind and has a laid-back attitude. This is probably why we get along so well. She's currently gallivanting across the globe, and I can't wait to hear about all the fun adventures she's having.
3. There is no doubt in mind about how awesome Jess is. There are some women who deserve a medal for all the awesome they exude. She is one of those women. Between wrangling her nine-month and 21-month boys (both are sick right now!) and her wily husband, somehow she still has time to ask me how I'm doing.
4. Alax is a creative spirit, full of brilliant ideas and always there when I need her. Even if it's just playing Fruit Ninja, drinking a glass of wine or going shopping, she's a great person to have in your life. Trust me.
5. Jenny  is another brilliant and reliable friend. Not only do we share a birthday month, but we also share a lot of great memories together most of which involve us dancing to InnerPartySystem.
6. Momma! Oh, I can't even put into words how much I love my momma.
7. My aunties. They all have a special place in my heart.
8. My cousins are more like my friends than they are my cousins. I don't know how it happened, but we're related and I still like them - a lot.
9. Becky was probably one of the most inspiring women I knew. If I even become half the person she was, I will be happy.

To all the fabulous women I know, from co-workers to best friends, you help make me a better person, and I love you for it! Please don't stop being awesome.